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it's your half birthday, scout!

you have grown so much. 

you love to sit up and play in the bouncer or the bumbo...you are so proud of these new tricks and we love to watch you.

you talk to us...you've been singing too...you chirp a little like a bird and you giggle and laugh. you tell long stories to yourself when you think i'm not watching or listening...but i am.

lately you are quite interested in your lips and pursing them in a variety of poses. 

you love the camera which is fun for me and i love your precious face.

you are a delight. dane is still your favorite person, moreso everyday. you just tried some applesauce tonight and it was a hit. (i got the hint when you stretched your neck to reach for my own fork the other day...) you are so easy going, so adaptable, so sweet. 

you roll like a roly poly all over the floor and in your crib. i watch those legs swing up and there you go...back to front, front to back.

you are more and more active everyday, but i think also you are quite mellow which is nice in the midst of a season that has been quite chaotic for all of us...you have blessed our family so much. happy half birthday, little scout. may the rest of the year be even more fun than the first.

boys.

five months.

your best friend is a giraffe named sophie. your bottom lip quivers when you realize i have left the building. you laugh out loud when i give you a zerbert on your belly.

you fight nasty infections like a tough guy. you still smile even when you don't feel so great. you prefer coming along for the ride opposed to sitting off on the sidelines.

your eyes shine and your smile is a delight and your laugh is contagious. we are all quite smitten with you...

and you are already in cahoots with your big brother. i foresee many grand adventures for the two of you...what fun is in store!

the sin that so easily entangles

that was the phrase on my mind while we were in brownwood this week. so much so that i kept marking a mental note to look it up. and then i typically forgot in the next moment or two so i never got to looking it up.

we came home on thursday and when i opened up the verse for the day on my phone friday morning, there it was...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles... (hebrews 12:1-3)

someone is trying to tell me something.

later that day i passed by the bulletin board on my way to the car and my eyes caught glimpse of this card which has been pinned for some time...

whether i remember the exact location of a particular verse matters little. what matters is that it gets stamped into my head and onto my heart. and it's there when i need it.

in my case, it really is the thought that counts.

if i surround myself with God's word and encouragement, i am much more likely to fall back onto TRUTH when i find myself in a bind or caught up in that sin that so easily entangles.

there is so much in my life that hinders. finding myself exhausted at the end of a long day of diapers and spit up, directing and organizing, cooking and cleaning up, kissing boo boos and reading stories and walking the stroller behind my three year old cyclist or running the timed obstacle course i like to call "grocery store with small children in tow".

i'm overwhelmed and over stimulated by the television and the computer and facebook. hindrance.

i'm selfish and self absorbed and i can easily get entangled in fear or resentment, bitterness or envy, or a huge dose of ungratefulness. 

and yet, despite this sin that gets me down, i remember i have a solution. i am surrounded by those who share in this undeniable TRUTH and help me to admit my faults and turn to the source of Power that i might run with perseverance this race that God has placed me in. 

and don't think for a minute that this is easy. i am living out some of the hardest months i've known since i began walking with God. extremely blessed and good, but hard. so i need Him to tell me to not grow weary and to not lose heart. i need to be encouraged.

may you be encouraged today. may you find that verse that speaks directly to you in this moment, in this time.

and may you keep cards with written verses in all sorts of funny places that you might stumble upon them just when you need them.

finding balance

it occurs to me recently that i am off balance. way off balance. and our family decided we needed to break away from the norm and try to find center once again.

we were blessed with a vacation. time off from work. time off from school. and the options seemed endless. like that moment you realize you have a bit of free time and suddenly you have a list of a hundred different things you would like to do.

what we realized in a moment of clarity over breakfast one morning is that we needed to stay more than we needed to go and go and go right now.

we found just enough adventure right down the road a little bit and it was a perfect time for reflection and enjoying one another without the constant distractions that come from our life as it is these days.

as it turns out, in order to move forward, you have to slow down. ease up. take notice of what is around you. who is around you. pay attention. in order to proceed, you have to halt.

you see, when we talked about vacation we threw out all kinds of ideas: a rangers game, a trip to the metroplex to shop, biking outside of austin, the fort worth zoo, camping. and there were literally dozens of home projects we could accomplish in a week's time.

but thankfully, we agreed that all of those plans, or any of those plans would amount to the equivalent of just spinning our wheels. and we needed to return to center. and while one must keep moving in order to achieve balance, it helps to slow way down in order to get a feel for where you are headed.

so the smith family recommends the following: naps. fishing. watching movies. sipping coffee on the porch.

swinging. making waffles. taking long walks. and getting lost. 

and a good effort at bowling is good for the resting soul as well.

today begins our return to the routine. the daily grind. and yet i suspect that as we gain momentum in moving forward to what God is calling us to, our balance will be stronger thanks to this time of rest.

celebrating Easter

i'm a sinner. Lord, have mercy on me.

i don't deserve any of this...family. forgiveness. love. freedom. joy. laughter. life.

but You were willing to pay the price. the ultimate price.

You bought my salvation. You purchased my freedom. You endured death so i might live.

You rose again...hallelujah! and i will get to spend eternity in Your presence with the Almighty God.

thank You, Jesus...

if i hadn't turned away from my old life that was killing me...

if i had not sought You and asked You to take over my life...

if I had not given up my control and allowed myself to believe and to trust You...

well...i would never have gotten to be here and experience this beautiful moment now.

 

a friday that doesn't seem very good

i am somber.

earlier, i was pretty jolly really. taking pictures of sweet smiling little boys next to cute bunnies out in the brilliant sunshine. breathing. grateful. talking to God and counting my blessings. all in between starbucks and photographs, chick-fil-a and laundry, naptime and organizing some Easter goodies.

 

Easter is coming. of this i am obviously aware. i've got the baskets ready and a few treats to place inside them. i'm so "aware" of the good news of Easter and all that it means that i'm afraid i may have minimized the weight of its importance a bit. i pass by the cross we placed in the front yard daily as i get the mail and i am not sure i notice it much more than the other crosses we have around our home. i'm so used to seeing them as decoration that perhaps i have forgotten what makes them significant.

and then, late this afternoon, i find myself face to face with a visual representation--a gripping reminder that lands in the pit of my stomach with a thud and i choke down the lump in my throat--a picture of what that Good Friday looked like. the humiliation. the beatings and the insults and such agonizing pain inflicted...on the very One who came to save us. on the One whom we owe everything to. on the One True God.

in an instant my heart aches for my Savior. and i bow in shame because i am no better than those throwing punches. i too have crucified Him. again and again and again. i am responsible. my sins cut deep on that cross. 

and while i watch the video and attempt to process the emotions that are rising inside me, i recognize joy and i feel deep, immense, overwhelming gratitude. the joy comes in knowing He rose from the dead. He is alive. LOVE won then and now and forever.

death could not keep Him. He endured agony and persecution like i will never know just so i might live. just so you might live and know God and be with Him forever.

and so i whisper that friday is GOOD. despite the awful events that had to take place, it's good because it was God's plan all along and it was an incomprehensible answer to our desperate need for His Grace and Love and Mercy. 

i needed the video today. i needed to remember the sacrifice. i needed to be reminded that Easter is a wonderful time to enjoy and count our blessings and to play silly hunting games with our tiny children and loved ones, but i must first remember Good Friday: what God did for all of us... that we might know HIm and have the chance for these precious, abundant moments.  

 

 

brothers.

dane july 2009

scout april 2012

here's to anticipation.

the word of the week for me has been uncertainty.

it's popular, i know. because, fact is, there just isn't a whole lot of certain out there, is there? i really have no idea what tomorrow will be like. or the next day or the next.

and what i discovered this week is that i was beginning to open a rather fear induced door that had big, life-altering uncertainties written all over it. you see, as it turns out, the uncertainty my family faces right now is a little bigger than whether or not it might rain tomorrow or what the coffee of the day flavor will be or who will be voted off survivor. 

and i suppose this uncertainty about the future has me a little rattled because, quite frankly, i've gotten comfortable. i've gotten comfortable in my little life in my little house with my little routine and my little plans and a few hopes and dreams that i keep comfortably tucked away in my little mind.

blah. blah. blah. kind of boring, isn't it?

why is it that the unknown is so scary? we see people all the time who stay in horribly damaging relationships or situations because they are terrified of leaving what they "know". it's the ridiculous idea that "what i know might be bad, but what i don't know could be worse". 

really??? what an utterly awful way to think!

and, yet, i have been thinking a bit just like this.

stepping into the unknown requires faith. truly letting go. it requires sacrifice and risk and the abandonment of expectations. other than one: anticipate GOOD. expect it.

the fact that God is for us should empower us to be more bold, to step out with a bit more excitement and to grin big in this anticipation.

i may not know what is around the corner for us or down the road or where we will be or what we'll be doing. what i do know is this:

FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU, DECLARES THE LORD, PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE. jeremiah 29:11

that is what i'm holding onto. that is what i am putting my faith in. this road we are on has been fraught with obstacles and discouragements and days have been long and hard and yet, God has shown up again and again and again and given us the strength and the courage and the determination to keep walking forward, step by step, to something He is calling us to.

and if i am really honest with myself, what i am really afraid of is not losing my silly comfortable life, but rather that i would hang onto those unimportant things so tightly that i might miss the adventure God has in mind for me.

so, i'm throwing out uncertainty. i really have no use for it right now. it's there, i accept that. whatever.

what i'm celebrating tonight is the gift of anticipation. joyful anticipation. if God has His hand on it, it's gonna be good. you can bet on it. 

what four months looks like

here is what you are doing these days, little one...

meeting yourself face to face, rolling to your back, and telling us all kinds of babblish stories.

you like to laugh and giggle...

there are times you are serious too...and you always like someone's lap to perch upon and think on these important things.

your most recent discovery? your feet and apparently, they taste as good as ice cream...

you wrestle with birds for fun...

and you are happy, happy, happy...

and i think you may have a little silliness too...

you still love to snuggle, sweet baby...

you are so precious, such a gift...i love you more and more each day.